I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, kiddo.

Okay. There's an incredibly easy way to solve this. Go to PM. Give me your Skype name. I'll add you and you can talk to me. I will also give you my LinkedIn profile. You can check it while you're talking to me and see that the photo and I are the same person, and also that I have almost a decade's worth of Australian reality TV productions under my belt. Amongst my contacts is the name of the current series producer of Australia's Next Top Model. You will be able to see that we've worked on several productions together. This is a 100% legitimate offer. You know why? I'm sick of little shits like you sitting there thinking you know ANYTHING about my industry. You don't know SHIT. So get your ass on Skype and I will show you exactly that. Ball's in your court. edit: And it you're too chickenshit to do that, you can go back through my history and see the numerous times I've talked about this subject on reddit in the last two years. edit2: Quick, I don't want you thinking you can wait three hours and then say I had time to fake stuff. Do it right now. Come on, you were quick enough to answer my first post. Within a minute, in fact. You're so damn confident, all over this thread, with your ignorant bullshit about an industry you're nowhere near. Step up, son. I'm already logged into Skype. edit3: No-show. Of course. Don't know what I was thinking. With a name like 'swagsmoker420', you're probably 12 fucking years old.

Dude you need to quit fucking snap chatting mckenna. Stop. She doesn't respond with anything meaningful for a reason and she's not interested in you. Who am I? The man whom she is in love with. She already told me not to worry, she's not interested in you. Sorry I bothered you kid. I've dated her since 2 summers ago. If you aren't trying to get at my woman or being inappropriate I don't care if you snap her occasionally. Just don't try anything man. You'll embarrass yourself and anger me. We are in love and we're making love tomorrow. So if you have any ill intentions with my woman you can forget it right now. I'm the biggest and best she's ever had, only man she's ever loved and the only man who could truly satisfy her physically. You will never have her. And she loves me. I don't have any problems with you if you are over my woman and realize you will never be with or touch her again. I apologize for coming off as a dick, just me and kenna are really deep in love and we've been through a lot and I just moved back home and it makes me a little jealous and angry to see a man she used to date before me is snap chatting her.... We don't need any extra bullshit or drama right now, so don't bring us any please is all I ask friend. If you try to talk to her any way but as a brother, or you try to see her at all, if she tells me you do anything inappropriate or anything outside of what a strict brother like friend would do,we are going to have a huge problem. I will leave you alone now dude if you're not trying to get at the woman who I love and whom is in love with me. That entire summer she was with me. She left kyle for me. She's been with me ever since, she even loved me and made love to me before she EVER let anything happen with you. You didn't please her. She didn't have strong feelings for you at all. And she immediately ended shit with you for me once she knew I loved her too. So get any ideas of the past out of your head. None of this truth should bug you if you're over her but I'm just making sure. I hate when my baby's friends have ill intentions and she thinks they are just friends and have no alternative motive. But idk if I trust you at all. If I can trust you to not stress me and my baby or fuck with our love tell me. I will leave you alone and apologize. But if you aren't over her and you're tryna "get some" or you're tryna get back in her life, it's NOT HAPPENING. She said you were nothing to her, and the sex was bad anyway haha. You're small and weak and she said it all felt wrong after being with me. She's been with me ever since. We're in love. And tomorrow me and her will be together in my room making love alll day how we always have together. If you have a problem speak up like a man or tell me our love doesn't bug you and I'll apologize, it's simple. So??? What is it? You are after my woman then huh?! Tell me the fucking truth man. Don't you dare be disrespectful and gross enough to bring it up, but if if you ask her about anything she shared with me about your weak ass, she may be nice and lie to you, or she may not care and tell you the truth. Either way. I'm her soullmate and her boyfriend of the past two years almost. And she tells me everything and NEVER lies to me. I don't care haha. Just stay away from my kenna. I sincerely apologize if you have no ill intentions and aren't trying to make moves with my woman. And i respect you as a guy in the service. I'm sure you're an ok dude. But just as a friend. You're nothing to my kenna but a brother like friend. I just wanna be sure you know it and don't forget it. Find a nice classy woman where you are stationed, marry her.... But back off of mine. You will never even compare to me in her eyes. Not even close haha.I just don't need you interfering with me and kenna's love. It's our lives man. It's really not cool.... Goodbye man, good luck. Respect to you being in the service. Sorry to bring your day down with my crazy bullshit but. Me and kenna are head over heels.... I can't help but be crazy about her. I love her with all of my heart and I will protect her from her untrustworthy fake friends. Not saying you are one. But you're dodging telling me what's going on in your head so I'm questioning a lot right now. Just know I'm never gonna hurt her, I'm always going to have her back, I'd give my life for her without hesitation, and I will protect her from anything, everything, and anyone. She is the love of my life. I fully intend to marry and give kenna my children. And we've talked a lot about it. Just don't make shit harder than it already is. I just moved back and me and her miss eachother so badly and we are FINALLY go to see eachother tomorrow and make love for the first time since halloween.... I hope you don't hate me man. I'm a good dude. Just protective of the woman who holds my heart. And who's heart I hold and must protect. I hope you can understand. She promised me there's nothing at all to worry about with you and that she's not interested:"/ I wish I knew before I embarrassingly went off on you. I'm so sorry man. I'm sorry. Please don't mention this to my baby:/ I'm really embarrassed and while she will understand, I just feel like an ass for attacking you when you have nothing with my kenna and no intention to. Good bye brother. I hope you find your one true love someday. It'll make you crazy, trust me, but you'll find her one day. I found mine when I was really young. And it's my kenna

Your mother jerks off pigs. She gets down on her knees and crawls through the pigpiss mud slop and snuggles up to the pig, her fingers tracing along it's belly until she finds it's cock. She begins tugging and stroking as her twat moistens, her breasts swelling and her nipples begin to stick out like erasers on a fresh #2 pencil. She grunts with satisfaction as the pig begins eagerly thrusting into her hand, her grip now tightening to maintain control of the pig's greasy corkscrew cock. She lowers her head to watch the cock work in her hand, groans with satisfaction and begins working her clit with her other muddy hand, her hips gyrating with the rhythm of the pig's thrusting. "Oh fucking jesus god yes.." she gasps. She changes positions, still maintaining control of the feverishly thrusting cock as the pig's squealing intensifies. She leans forward and with her lips almost touching the pig's ear, she whispers your name and begins to shudder. She turns her attention again to the pigs swollen member rocking in her hand. She presses it between her hand and her face, the pig thrusting it against her cheeks as she drools. With a massive grunt and a high pitched squeal, the pig's balls explode, beginning a massive shower of hot, sour pig jizz. You mother cups one hand under the fountain of steaming genetic material gathering it in her hand as the thrusting comes to an end. The pig shudders and begins to walk to the trough of slop in the corner of it's pen, but your mother tackles it to the ground. She lifts it's tail and smears the handful of pig load into the pig's own fetid butthole, turning flakes of crusty pig shit into a pigshit-pigjizz mud slop on the pigs ass. Now she tilts her head to the sky and screams your name, not once, not twice, but three times. She slams her face full force into the pig's butthole and it's wreath of shitsemen pudding, her tongue machine gun flicking the rim and then burying itself to the hilt inside the pig's hot colon. Your mother works her tongue around the inside of the pigs ass, and then as a few incoherent syllables escaped her now brown lips, spurts of female ejaculate spurt from her pulsating cunt. Exhausted, she collapses in the mud, rolls over onto her back, and lights a cigarette. She takes one long drag, looks again to the sky, and speaks your name one last time before she drifts off to sleep. That's your mom. Your mom does that.